Just Ask Y: The Door to My Heart

by Chelsea Castner
Published May 22, 2013 in Relationships

When I talk about my heart, I picture it as a big child-drawn outline, colored in red with a front door on it. Why a door? I need a way to control the love that I allow in and out, and I want to make sure the existing love is tucked safe inside.

We all control the door to our heart. At times we choose to open it just a crack for people we’re wary of, bolt it shut to avoid hurt or open it wide for an amazing person to walk into our lives.

When I learned my brother Allen and his wife Allison were expecting, my mind didn’t even get the chance to process that I would be adding “aunt” to my resume, but my heart knew.

I raced home once I heard it was go time and joined both families as a sideline cheerleader in the waiting room. A tiny baby was about to turn two men into grandfathers, two women into grandmothers, three men into uncles and me into an aunt. One single heartbeat was about to change us all.

Seeing hour-old Nathan Allen Castner for the first time caused my heart’s door to blow off its hinges. I didn’t realize that becoming an aunt would require me to make so much room in my heart for the tiniest person to fill.

I’ve quickly learned that my role as an aunt is to share, support and work my butt off to show Nathan just how much I love him.

I haven’t been an aunt for long, but these are the things I love about it so far…

• I get to make my own rules, guidelines and expectations for the type of aunt I will become.
• His head smells amazing. But seriously, new baby smell is so much better than new car smell.
• I know that I have nothing to do with the cause of his tears. I simply hand him to mommy for food and daddy for diapers.
• Oh, and I get to pimp him out in outfits like this… (maybe I should be ashamed that I’m using him as my latest dating service, but I’m not)

For Nathan, my heart’s door will always be open.

Tags: aunt, For Women, Gen Y, generation y, Just Ask a Woman, love, Mary Lou Quinlan, mothers, Psychology, Relationships, Self-help, women

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A Personal Letter to Disney: Be Brave

by Mary Lou Quinlan
Published May 14, 2013 in Kids, Media

There is a storm brewing with the Disney release of a toy line featuring its first truly ‘brave’ heroine, Princess Merida. Seems that in an effort to appeal traditionally to little girls’ doll tastes, the rough and tumble star of “Brave” has lost weight, filled out her too tight gown and adopted that doe-eyed sparkle princess look….the look and the life that the animated Merida despised.

I will let anthropologists and psychologists dissect why this is right or wrong. Or just cowardly.

I will turn instead to my own experience, watching the animated film alongside a 7 year old redhead named Soleil.  From the moment that Merida, the cartoon ginger wild child, picked up her bow and galloped through the woods, Soleil’s heart pounded in the saddle alongside her heroine. Proud, cheering, valiant.

For once, the story wasn’t about a cookie-cutter forgotten waif lifted by a prince to a palace. This was true grit, the kind of beauty any girl with guts can achieve. The knowing eyes, the powerful stance, the in-your-face joy of being a girl alive in her own skin spoke to Soleil. And the hair, the untamed, boundless curls that said, “Remember me!” Go ahead, Disney, give our real ‘brave’ Merida a sparkly crown. We need her in the Magic Kingdom. But don’t mess with her curls or her curves or her courage.

Tags: Advertising, Disney, Ego Protection, For Women, Good Intentions, Just Ask a Woman, Marketing to Women, marketing with women in mind, Mary Lou Quinlan, Psychology, Retail, Shopping, Whole Truths, women, working moms

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Just Ask Y: Thank you for being critical.

by Chelsea Castner
Published April 18, 2013 in New Ideas, Work

Tags: For Women, Gen Y, generation y, Marketing to Women, marketing with women in mind, Mary Lou Quinlan, Positive thoughts, Positivity, Psychology, Self-help, Whole Truths, Working Mother

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Just Ask Y: How a ponytail can ruin your day

by Chelsea Castner
Published April 3, 2013 in New Ideas

I recently had “one of those days.” You know those days, the ones that are a domino effect of crappy events. I woke up late, spilled my tea, found a pimple, didn’t get to half my to-do list, lost my metrocard, OD-ed on chocolate and flaked out on going to the gym.

I accepted that the day was just not my day to be great, but I couldn’t help but wonder what made this rain cloud follow me. And then I realized that the root of my problem was the ugly, messy, frizzy ponytail I decided would have to do after I hit snooze for the fourth time. The tip of the domino that sent me into an “I look like and feel like crap today” mindset.

Think about the mornings you got up early to get in a quick workout or even just took 30 seconds to spray wrinkle releaser on your shirt. Any self-improvement victories in the morning fuel you up with positive superpowers that help you conquer the day.

I know what you are thinking—“There is no way less sleep time will make me more energized.”  And I hate being the Grinch, but your snooze button doesn’t have magic powers to make you feel more rested, actually it has the opposite effect.  Here is fascinating scientific information (without all the scientific jargon) that explains why:

When you’re sleeping your body is releasing feel good, sleep chemicals into your bloodstream. When your body has had enough sleep (around 7-9 hrs) another chemical, whose function is to start waking you up, is released. So your body is already naturally waking itself up when your alarm goes off. Hitting snooze and falling back asleep confuses the body, which then starts re-producing the sleep chemical along with the wake up chemical. When both chemicals are pulsing through your body you become more disoriented and groggy than if you got up when your alarm first went off.

Of course it’s easy to blame this chemical cocktail for my day, but I have to take responsibility for not getting up at the time I promised myself the night before. My ponytail was a quick fix shortcut, one I paid for with constant punishments all day long. Well played world, lesson learned.

To motivate yourself to start getting up earlier, write down 5 things that you would do if you had 15 extra minutes in the morning. Get excited about them, imagine how happy doing each thing would make you, and then give one of them a try. I promise the extra pep in your step will have you keep coming back for more!

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Making a big leap after 40?

by Mary Lou Quinlan
Published March 27, 2013 in Work

Got a career dream waiting in your pocket? Most of us do. In 1998, I took a big step to achieve mine and Just Ask a Woman was the result. And the dreams keep growing. Hope you enjoy this piece published today on LearnVest, the fantastic financial support site for young women. Read it HERE!

Tags: Advertising, Careers, For Women, Half Truth, marketing with women in mind, Mary Lou Quinlan, Psychology, The God Box, The New York Times Best seller, Whole Truths, women

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Seeing through the Lululemon Recall

by Mary Lou Quinlan
Published March 22, 2013 in Fashion

Officially the stupidest quote on a product recall. “The truth of the matter is the only way you can actually test for the issue is to put the pants on and bend over.” Lululemon Athletica CEO Christine Day on how to detect the see-through snafu revealed in the chain’s $94 yoga pants. (And sorry, but this comment is even worse coming from a female CEO.)

I have been a Lulu fan since first discovering them on a trip to Vancouver for my book tour in 2005. Like every new devotee, I raved about the pants—the fit, the fabric, the magical way they made every woman’s butt look toned. Well, it seems the pants worked a little too well, offering a front row seat to unsuspecting back ends.

With their earnings in free fall and stores in a scramble to pull the transparent Luon pants from the shelves, women are running straight to Athleta and Title IX and with particular glee, back to Target and any of the zillion retailers selling yoga pants without a rear view window for less than half the price. Too many of us lost our shirts and our common sense when we bought into Lulu’s high-priced mantra of Luon. And having been taken, we aren’t about to ‘bend over’ again. Wait, you say it’s just business, Ms. Day? Nope, this is quite personal.

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Just Ask Y: Cheezin’ for Pleasin’

by Chelsea Castner
Published March 7, 2013 in Beauty

In a recent issue of Self magazine I came across this fact: ”The physical act of smiling tricks your brain into thinking you’re more upbeat, which makes you feel peppier.” Sounds simple and obvious right? Well, unfortunately I had to learn this the hard way.

I like to think of myself as a positive person. Heck, even in my 8th grade yearbook I was given the ”Imagine if Chelsea Castner wasn’t optimistic” title. But I’ve recently come to learn how my outside Chelsea face doesn’t always match my inner Positive-Polly.

I’m a little embarrassed to share this, but I know you can only fix a problem by coming clean about it. Ever since I moved to New York City, while I’ve been out at the bars I have had multiple guys (total strangers) ask me why I look so upset. I cringed, not realizing what I looked like as I zoned out waiting for the bartender to finally acknowledge my presence. Even my boss, Mary Lou, said it took her a few months when I first started working to get used to my “Chelsea face.” A look, she says, where my eyes grow dark and more focused and my mouth tightens. To me, that sounded exactly like how I would describe somber, expressionless Kristen Stewart, and that was all I needed to hear.  I appreciated the feedback and decided it was time to learn how I could make my expression express the real me.

In a recent yoga class the teacher opened with the topic of smiling from within. She said, if you just imagine yourself smiling, your outlook brightens, and with that so does your face. This wasn’t really new knowledge to me, because Tyra Banks has been telling me that for years. ”You need to smile from your eyes,” she would say from “America’s Next Top Model” judges’ table. But because I haven’t been walking down runways or posing in Self , I just filed the rule in my brain. But we are all models every moment of every day. Our bodies and expressions are representation of who we are.

The interesting thing about our own physical body, is that we spend far less time looking at it than the people around us do. Of course we all smile in pictures, and if you’re like me you have a “mirror face” you flash after finishing applying your makeup. But I don’t want my happy face to just appear in pictures on Facebook or Instagram, I want that look to be my “Chelsea face,” the one that carries me everywhere I go.

I suggest we all start working the office hallways like a runway. Smile with our eyes while we wait for our salad at the deli. And in those moments when you feel like chewing your stress ball to pieces, take a deep breath and imagine yourself smiling. I promise it will relax you.

We hear over and over again how a smile is our best accessory. So work it if you’re not working it yet, ladies. If you look it, you’ll feel it. Just please don’t take any pointers from K-Stew

Tags: For Women, Gen Y, generation y, Good Intentions, Just Ask a Woman, Marketing to Women, marketing with women in mind, Positive thinking, Self Magazine, Self-help, Smiling, Tyra Banks, working moms, Yoga

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Watch Three Generations React to “Makers” on PBS

by Mary Lou Quinlan
Published March 1, 2013 in Media, News

This week, PBS aired a groundbreaking (and we hope, award-winning!) documentary called “Makers” tracing the journey of women from the awakening of the feminist movement through to today. Chelsea, a prime Gen Y woman and I, a member of the class of ’75, gathered a group of ten women to watch together and weigh in. We invited representatives from all different life stages; a college senior getting ready to transition to the professional world, recent graduates starting careers, newlyweds looking forward to starting a family, empty nesters and life-reinventors.

Our living room of new and old friends represented the movers, shakers and MAKERS of today. This video captures the conversation that just wouldn’t quit—inspired, candid and as women are, openly engaging. Listen in!

As Chelsea said, “It’s easy for Gen Y women to forget how many doors had to be knocked down in order for us to be standing where we are today.

We may not have lived through the height of the women’s movement in the 60’s and 70’s, but the energy that was generated then certainly lives within all of us now. Unfortunately the road to equality is still lined with roadblocks, detours and “Do Not Enter” signs. It’s now up to our generation. We each have to ask ourselves—what are the issues and values that I want to stand up for to make a difference for myself, my peers and future generations? When that answer comes, you will be ready to make your mark.”

Sent from both of us with love and with thanks to June, Joanna, Erin, Kelley, Amy, Nidia, Alexis and Maggie.

Mary Lou and Chelsea

Tags: For Women, Gen Y, generation y, MAKERS, Marketing to Women, marketing with women in mind, Mary Lou Quinlan, PBS, speaking to women, women, women in business, Women's liberation, working moms, Working Mother

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Weighing in on Leaning In and Sheryl Sandberg

by Mary Lou Quinlan
Published February 26, 2013 in Education

The news of Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg’s new book “Lean In” hit the front page of The New York Times this week. But how will it affect the way women, especially younger women look at work? My blog on today’s Huffington Post gives my two cents. Enjoy, comment, like, disagree…whatever. Love to hear from you! Or leave a comment on Huff Po!

Tags: "Lean In", Advertising, Customer Service, Ego Protection, Facebook, For Women, huffington post, Marketing to Women, marketing with women in mind, Mary Lou Quinlan, Psychology, Sheryl Sandberg, Whole Truths

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Just Ask Y: Help! I’m a prisoner of the gym

by Chelsea Castner
Published February 25, 2013 in Health

Do you find yourself a prisoner of the gym? Tortured by the stair master or handcuffed to the treadmill?

We all remember when Elle Woods claimed- “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t kill their husbands.” Well, I certainly haven’t committed any crimes, but I’ve been punishing my body at the gym for years. Finally, I’m starting to find freedom, and dare I say happiness, in what used to be my cinder block prison.

In this video blog I share with you, my fellow gym cell mates, tips to start finding the fun in working out and getting fit. I even head to Soul Cycle, the newest and hippest spinning class, where smiling while sweating is mandatory. So come along as I get juiced up on endorphins.

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