Just Ask Y: Thank you for being critical.

by Chelsea Castner
Published April 18, 2013 in New Ideas, Work

The other day I started writing a blog about the importance of accepting a compliment, something women find difficult. Well that day praise didn’t come my way, instead I got a dose of criticism. I recognized the irony of my situation right away. It was an important lesson that taught me that it’s crucial for us to learn how to accept criticism before we really can be open to accepting praise. It’s not until we do the work of growing from a critique that we can feel we have earned the right to receive the compliment.

First, I have to share how I personally differentiate between insults and criticism, because it’s how I decide how to react to them. An insult never produces anything good. It comes from a source of anger, dislike or, most often, jealousy. The intention is to tear you down and if you choose to accept it, it will be painful. Criticism, however, comes from a constructive place of compassion and is meant to make you stronger and produce positive growth.

These are the steps I take when I get a critique wrapped up in a bow with my name on it.

1. Recognize who’s dishing it.

This is critical. You must know that the person giving it cares for you and that their intentions are to help you grow. Often the person dishing it is nervous, which comes from the fear of how you’re going to react to what they are about to share. They love you and don’t want to hurt you. Sometimes their words can come out angrily but then they soften, and immediately you feel their compassion; you’ve probably experienced this with a parent, teacher or employer.

2. Sit back and soak it in.

When the words start coming at you, take them in and acknowledge the feelings that start coming up. If you really listen to your feelings then you will know if there is truth in the criticism. Personally, my critique hit me hard, and as I listened embarrassment and sadness washed over me. That’s how I knew this was something I had done that I wasn’t proud of. It was necessary for me to hear this to help me make a positive change.

3. Say “thank you.”

Why? Because it takes a very special person in your life to tell you something that is difficult for them to say, in order to help you be better. In other words, a criticism is a gift as long as you choose to receive it. Without the gift you would be stuck in the same place and mindset, embarrassing yourself around others who don’t yet love you enough to help you make the change.

4. Show up and get to work.

First you heard it and then you felt it, so now it’s time to put it in action. And when you do magic happens, I promise. Oh, and it doesn’t hurt to pretend you’re Harry Potter and throw out a powerful “Expecto Patronum” spell. But seriously……

Tags: For Women, Gen Y, generation y, Marketing to Women, marketing with women in mind, Mary Lou Quinlan, Positive thoughts, Positivity, Psychology, Self-help, Whole Truths, Working Mother

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Watch Three Generations React to “Makers” on PBS

by Mary Lou Quinlan
Published March 1, 2013 in Media, News

This week, PBS aired a groundbreaking (and we hope, award-winning!) documentary called “Makers” tracing the journey of women from the awakening of the feminist movement through to today. Chelsea, a prime Gen Y woman and I, a member of the class of ’75, gathered a group of ten women to watch together and weigh in. We invited representatives from all different life stages; a college senior getting ready to transition to the professional world, recent graduates starting careers, newlyweds looking forward to starting a family, empty nesters and life-reinventors.

Our living room of new and old friends represented the movers, shakers and MAKERS of today. This video captures the conversation that just wouldn’t quit—inspired, candid and as women are, openly engaging. Listen in!

As Chelsea said, “It’s easy for Gen Y women to forget how many doors had to be knocked down in order for us to be standing where we are today.

We may not have lived through the height of the women’s movement in the 60’s and 70’s, but the energy that was generated then certainly lives within all of us now. Unfortunately the road to equality is still lined with roadblocks, detours and “Do Not Enter” signs. It’s now up to our generation. We each have to ask ourselves—what are the issues and values that I want to stand up for to make a difference for myself, my peers and future generations? When that answer comes, you will be ready to make your mark.”

Sent from both of us with love and with thanks to June, Joanna, Erin, Kelley, Amy, Nidia, Alexis and Maggie.

Mary Lou and Chelsea

Tags: For Women, Gen Y, generation y, MAKERS, Marketing to Women, marketing with women in mind, Mary Lou Quinlan, PBS, speaking to women, women, women in business, Women's liberation, working moms, Working Mother

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What Makes a Mom

by Mary Lou Quinlan
Published October 24, 2012 in Moms & Family, Speaking

Yesterday, I performed my one woman show “The God Box, A Daughter’s Story” at the day’s end of the annual Marketing to Moms conference in Chicago. At the start, I could tell that the audience of women, most of them moms who had sat through 9 hours of PowerPoint slides and impassioned speeches…were tuckered out. And cocktails beckoned from the next room.

These colleagues of mine are experts in their own right, devoted to the power mothers of America. What could a play teach them? Turns out that love and loss and hope and mother/daughter bonds trump theory and marketing trends. At least that’s what their tears and laughter showed me.

Why should marketers care about digging into the personal lives of women? Because that is where the truth is. Not at a desk. Or from an armchair. Or the back of a focus group room. In our hearts. Crossing that boundary from marketer to actor was worth the risk.

Have to say, I didn’t need a PowerPoint to tell a love story. Neither do Moms.

Tags: For Women, m2moms, Marketing to Women, marketing with women in mind, Mary Lou Quinlan, moms, The God Box, Whole Truths, working moms, Working Mother

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Mad Women for a Change

by Mary Lou Quinlan
Published March 2, 2012 in Moms & Family, New Ideas, Work

Last night I was invited to a terrific party hosted by Ken Roman, former chairman of Ogilvy. The occasion was the debut of a new book by the wonderful creative director and writer Jane Maas. It’s called “Mad Women” published by St. Martin’s Press. The book takes a fun and honest look at what it was really like for women in ad agencies in the sixties and seventies. Was there really that much sex? Were women relegated to the steno pool, no matter their ambitions and talent? Jane’s book says, yes and even more so than in the Mad Men series. She interviewed me for the book, not because I was one of those women (I was in grade school!) but because my mom worked in ad agencies throughout those decades. For the record, my mom did her share of typing and shorthand but thankfully avoided the seamier side of the inter-departmental relationships that Jane vividly describes.

In her book, Jane retells my story of how I grew up at a dinner table where storyboards and media plans were normal conversation. My mother loved working in advertising, certainly more than cooking dinner. She once worked for an agency where the Campbells soup account came under fire for exaggerating the pile of vegetables in a soup shoot, so she was in charge of counting exactly how many string beans, peas and carrots were in a can and verifying that the bowl was ‘honest’ before the cameras rolled. I love that she loved her work and she inspired me to follow in her footsteps. Not that it was as racy as the TV drama but advertising did bring out the crazy in a lot of people.

Jane is headed out on a 40 city tour, (OMG!) and having done it myself, I wish her a lot of great applause, as many flight upgrades as she can get and a good night’s sleep or three.

Tags: Advertising, m2w, marketing with women in mind, working moms, Working Mother

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Earliest Impressions of the OWN network

by Jen Drexler
Published January 3, 2011 in New Ideas

Thanks to the East Coast snowstorm and our vacation from the office I was able to spend some time cleaning out my DVR. Yes, my life can be that exciting. It was a priority actually because I needed to make room for the new programming on the debut of Oprah’s network OWN. I’ve caught a handful of shows so far and here are my first impressions.

1. Master Class: The debut with Diane Sawyer was wonderful albeit I would watch Diane do laundry because I worship her so much. The storytelling nature (i.e. Diane telling her own story) is appealing versus the narrated versions like A&E Biography – this definitely feels more intimate. Not sure if this will be a must watch for me unless it is about someone I already find compelling.

2. Kidnapped by the Kids This show made me mad. The premise is that parents who spend too much time working get “kidnapped” by their children for a week to reconnect. The debut episode featured a man who traveled a lot for work and his wife and three kids who felt neglected. They got permission from his boss to take him out of the work mode for a week and hijacked him at the airport. It was touching to see young children so articulately express how his absense and the distractions of his BlackBerry and laptop made them feel. I teared up a little when the son said he thought his dad “had another family he liked better somewhere else”.

But a poorly timed toungue lashing by his wife killed the poignant moment. What followed was a montage of things the father got to do with his kids (camping, fishing, grocery shopping, swimming) and it ended with a moment in the family’s yard where he cried and apologized for spending so much time on work. Big hug. End credits with an update that dad has taken a job closer to home. WHAT?! That’s it? The solution here was crying and hugging? What a missed opportunity for the show to take a more practical turn to fix the problem that face so many of us. Let’s start small. Maybe no blackberry at dinner? Maybe a technology free day of the weekend? But the solution can’t be that dad feels guilty about earning a living. Can you tell this is a sore point for me as a working mom? My daughter recently interupted our bedtime story so that she could “take a call” on her pretend phone. Ouch, right? Parents who work don’t love their children any less and unless this show gets constructive it is just another guilt trip.

3. Behind the Scenes: A reality show about the production of Oprah’s last season of shows. Gimme more. Gimme more. This is like candy for me. I live for the behind the scenes look at how the show is put together. Since finding women to interview is part of my daily life I love watching the producers scramble to find the right guests. On the catty side I like seeing the knowing glances among the staff when they think that the big O is being unreasonable or overly demanding.

4. Overall I worry about the TBS and Oxygen effect. Will the lack of new programming make this channel a repository for tired chick flicks? I’ve seen some Tweets in the last few minutes that An Officer and A Gentleman is playing right now. What’s special about that? How is that Oprah-esque?

Being realistic I know that there isn’t enough new material for 24 hours of coverage but monotonous re-runs and old movies will not make for destinationl television. BUT maybe, just maybe the Oprah geniuses already know their audience well enough to know that we will all DVR the shows so it doesn’t matter what’s on in between. That must be it. See I knew they were smart.

I can’t wait to see Gayle’s new show next week and I’m a big fan of Dr. Berman too… but I’ve had enough of Phil, Oz and Orman to last me a lifetime. Tune in and let’s discuss… Stay tuned here because I will post soon about how I believe brands can use this platform to really market with women.

Tags: Diane Sawyer, Oprah, Working Mother

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The WHOLE Truth about Mommy Tracking

by Jen Drexler
Published November 3, 2009 in Moms & Family

My second blog as a Working Mother Magazine Thought Leader has been posted. The institutionalized Mommy Track may have faded away but is the remaining covert (and often inadvertant) Mommy Track keeping women from advancing their careers?

Tags: Working Mother

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