Just Ask Y: Thank you for being critical.

by Chelsea Castner
Published April 18, 2013 in New Ideas, Work

The other day I started writing a blog about the importance of accepting a compliment, something women find difficult. Well that day praise didn’t come my way, instead I got a dose of criticism. I recognized the irony of my situation right away. It was an important lesson that taught me that it’s crucial for us to learn how to accept criticism before we really can be open to accepting praise. It’s not until we do the work of growing from a critique that we can feel we have earned the right to receive the compliment.

First, I have to share how I personally differentiate between insults and criticism, because it’s how I decide how to react to them. An insult never produces anything good. It comes from a source of anger, dislike or, most often, jealousy. The intention is to tear you down and if you choose to accept it, it will be painful. Criticism, however, comes from a constructive place of compassion and is meant to make you stronger and produce positive growth.

These are the steps I take when I get a critique wrapped up in a bow with my name on it.

1. Recognize who’s dishing it.

This is critical. You must know that the person giving it cares for you and that their intentions are to help you grow. Often the person dishing it is nervous, which comes from the fear of how you’re going to react to what they are about to share. They love you and don’t want to hurt you. Sometimes their words can come out angrily but then they soften, and immediately you feel their compassion; you’ve probably experienced this with a parent, teacher or employer.

2. Sit back and soak it in.

When the words start coming at you, take them in and acknowledge the feelings that start coming up. If you really listen to your feelings then you will know if there is truth in the criticism. Personally, my critique hit me hard, and as I listened embarrassment and sadness washed over me. That’s how I knew this was something I had done that I wasn’t proud of. It was necessary for me to hear this to help me make a positive change.

3. Say “thank you.”

Why? Because it takes a very special person in your life to tell you something that is difficult for them to say, in order to help you be better. In other words, a criticism is a gift as long as you choose to receive it. Without the gift you would be stuck in the same place and mindset, embarrassing yourself around others who don’t yet love you enough to help you make the change.

4. Show up and get to work.

First you heard it and then you felt it, so now it’s time to put it in action. And when you do magic happens, I promise. Oh, and it doesn’t hurt to pretend you’re Harry Potter and throw out a powerful “Expecto Patronum” spell. But seriously……

Tags: For Women, Gen Y, generation y, Marketing to Women, marketing with women in mind, Mary Lou Quinlan, Positive thoughts, Positivity, Psychology, Self-help, Whole Truths, Working Mother

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Just Ask Y: How a ponytail can ruin your day

by Chelsea Castner
Published April 3, 2013 in New Ideas

I recently had “one of those days.” You know those days, the ones that are a domino effect of crappy events. I woke up late, spilled my tea, found a pimple, didn’t get to half my to-do list, lost my metrocard, OD-ed on chocolate and flaked out on going to the gym.

I accepted that the day was just not my day to be great, but I couldn’t help but wonder what made this rain cloud follow me. And then I realized that the root of my problem was the ugly, messy, frizzy ponytail I decided would have to do after I hit snooze for the fourth time. The tip of the domino that sent me into an “I look like and feel like crap today” mindset.

Think about the mornings you got up early to get in a quick workout or even just took 30 seconds to spray wrinkle releaser on your shirt. Any self-improvement victories in the morning fuel you up with positive superpowers that help you conquer the day.

I know what you are thinking—“There is no way less sleep time will make me more energized.” And I hate being the Grinch, but your snooze button doesn’t have magic powers to make you feel more rested, actually it has the opposite effect. Here is fascinating scientific information (without all the scientific jargon) that explains why:

When you’re sleeping your body is releasing feel good, sleep chemicals into your bloodstream. When your body has had enough sleep (around 7-9 hrs) another chemical, whose function is to start waking you up, is released. So your body is already naturally waking itself up when your alarm goes off. Hitting snooze and falling back asleep confuses the body, which then starts re-producing the sleep chemical along with the wake up chemical. When both chemicals are pulsing through your body you become more disoriented and groggy than if you got up when your alarm first went off.

Of course it’s easy to blame this chemical cocktail for my day, but I have to take responsibility for not getting up at the time I promised myself the night before. My ponytail was a quick fix shortcut, one I paid for with constant punishments all day long. Well played world, lesson learned.

To motivate yourself to start getting up earlier, write down 5 things that you would do if you had 15 extra minutes in the morning. Get excited about them, imagine how happy doing each thing would make you, and then give one of them a try. I promise the extra pep in your step will have you keep coming back for more!

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Just Ask a Woman Introduces Just Ask Y: A Gen Y Think Tank

by Chelsea Castner
Published January 10, 2013 in New Ideas

Hi, I’m Chelsea Castner! As a brand planner, I came to Just Ask A Woman full of passion to help companies better understand and listen to women. And I mean really listening, by getting past Half Truths and automatic responses of “Oh, I’m fine.” The most successful products and services are those built on women’s Whole Truths. But my insights and ideas come with the Gen Y point of view.

I have always been one to ask my peers why, why, why, because a question needs more than an answer. It deserves a story. Today’s young women have a lot of stories to tell, so with Just Ask Y I plan to help their voices be heard loud and clear.

Generation Y is full of powerful women who are paving the way into the future with exciting careers, energetic lifestyles and virtual relationships. Gen Y women have a huge appetite to know the answers to all their why’s. This generation is proving to the world that if you want it, you CAN have your all.

As you know, trends are constantly changing and “you’re either in or you’re out” (hopefully you read that in your best Heidi Klum voice). Gen Y women are changing the world we live in, and Just Ask Y is right on board with their forward thinking perspective. Why are they watching so many shows with dancing and singing? Why are they drinking that green pulpy goo they call juice? Why are they taking a pole dancing class at the gym? You want to know why, so Just Ask Y. Are you ready to hear the truth? ….Well, ready or not I’m going to give it to you straight up, shaken and heck maybe I’ll even give it a little stir!

I’ll be sharing new research that impacts Gen Y, interviews with leading edge Y folks that are emerging into the spotlight and I’ll even report on my own personal experiences as I go out and tackle some of the latest trends (hope you’re ready to get to know me real well). And when I have something really juicy to share with you, I’ll upload a video blog so you can see and hear my excitement. This will be content that will help you be more connected to young women in your market and life, (maybe even the one who’s sitting in the cubicle next to you right now.) Even if your takeaway is great party convo, that’s cool too.

Post your questions and comments below. I’ll be sure to give to give you honest answers to all your why’s. Stay tuned, there’s lots of great content to come…

Tags: Advertising, Bloggers, For Women, generation y, Half Truth, Just Ask a Woman, Just Ask Y, Marketing to Women, marketing with women in mind, Mary Lou Quinlan, New Business, New Trends, Social Networking, Trending, Whole Truths, women

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Rewriting the Rules of How We Work

by Mary Lou Quinlan
Published June 21, 2012 in New Ideas, Work

Over the years, I have been part of many teams, stretching from my first years in a large, global corporation, through my decade in the competitive ad agency world, my years as an entrepreneur. Each experience came with its own approach to management and staffing. But my latest endeavor, The God Box Project, has been my first foray into creative a team the new-fashioned way with a wired and unwired network of global talent, handpicked for their expertise. The piece that I wrote in Forbes.com explains how it all began.

Tags: Forbes, Global team, Marketing, marketing with women in mind, Psychology, social media, Social Networking

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My latest project: “The God Box,” full of faith, love and letting go

by Mary Lou Quinlan
Published May 13, 2012 in Media, Moms & Family, New Ideas

Imagine traveling the country and learning about women–their deepest and often unspoken feelings? Imagine sharing stories of love, loss, hope with perfect strangers who soon become friends? Imagine seeing faces that reveal that the women they’ve become is rooted in the mother who bore them?…and all the while, raising money for causes in need?

That has been my experience of the past month, every single day.

On April 14th, at the Coaches V Cancer event in my hometown of Philadelphia, I launched my new book The God Box: Sharing my mother’s gift of faith, love and letting go. And seven days a week since then, I have spoken, hugged and shared my story. The book is about the discovery of my Mom’s God Boxes filled with loving prayers, 20 years worth of every worry, hiccup and hope for family, friends and even strangers.

I knew that even writing a book with “God” in the title might make some people wonder what I was up to. After all, business people rarely cross lines of politics or religion or any boundary that might seem too personal. And here I was, on the road talking about faith, motherhood and the heartbreak of losing my mother. But you know what? There’s a lot of yearning out there for honest talk about the relationship that formed us first and the underlying beliefs that get us through life. The book is spiritual and inspirational and I am proud to share that it has been recommended by PARADE, Redbook, Family Circle and this week by USA Today as the number one book for Mother’s Day.

We have been covered in the Wall St. Journal, the Huffington Post and the NY Post and I’ve written blogs for the New York Times’ Motherlode, Parents.com, Belief. net and this Sunday for the Wall St. Journal, all exploring the nature of mothers, both in life and after death.

The book garnered bestseller status in the first two weeks on amazon and Barnes and Noble and both the online and brick and mortar stores blew through their stock in a heartbeat. We have gone to a second printing and we are just getting started. The book is not about one holiday or one life. But about the hopes we harbor for those we love and the way we can learn to let go.

I have traveled so many miles and frankly, shed some tears but I sit here a month later and want to say, this is the loveliest journey into understanding women that I have ever taken. And men are along for this ride too. And in my own way, I believe my Mom is enjoying it as well.

Hope you will check out the book right here on the home page. I can say that right now, I couldn’t be happier.

Hands on,

Mary Lou

Tags: Marketing to Women, Mary Lou Quinlan, speaking to women, spirituality, The God Box book, the God Box project, women

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Mad Women for a Change

by Mary Lou Quinlan
Published March 2, 2012 in Moms & Family, New Ideas, Work

Last night I was invited to a terrific party hosted by Ken Roman, former chairman of Ogilvy. The occasion was the debut of a new book by the wonderful creative director and writer Jane Maas. It’s called “Mad Women” published by St. Martin’s Press. The book takes a fun and honest look at what it was really like for women in ad agencies in the sixties and seventies. Was there really that much sex? Were women relegated to the steno pool, no matter their ambitions and talent? Jane’s book says, yes and even more so than in the Mad Men series. She interviewed me for the book, not because I was one of those women (I was in grade school!) but because my mom worked in ad agencies throughout those decades. For the record, my mom did her share of typing and shorthand but thankfully avoided the seamier side of the inter-departmental relationships that Jane vividly describes.

In her book, Jane retells my story of how I grew up at a dinner table where storyboards and media plans were normal conversation. My mother loved working in advertising, certainly more than cooking dinner. She once worked for an agency where the Campbells soup account came under fire for exaggerating the pile of vegetables in a soup shoot, so she was in charge of counting exactly how many string beans, peas and carrots were in a can and verifying that the bowl was ‘honest’ before the cameras rolled. I love that she loved her work and she inspired me to follow in her footsteps. Not that it was as racy as the TV drama but advertising did bring out the crazy in a lot of people.

Jane is headed out on a 40 city tour, (OMG!) and having done it myself, I wish her a lot of great applause, as many flight upgrades as she can get and a good night’s sleep or three.

Tags: Advertising, m2w, marketing with women in mind, working moms, Working Mother

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Asking for It (or Positive Thinking About Negative Feedback)

by Chelsea Castner
Published February 29, 2012 in New Ideas

Check out Mary Lou’s blog for the Huffington Post! Her latest adventure has been taking The God Box on stage, performing in her own one woman, one act play. A new role that requires her to ask audience members and peers for feedback, both positive and negative (well, we prefer the term constructive).

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Mary Lou’s Blog for Huffington Post: What Mom taught me about Valentine’s Day

by Chelsea Castner
Published February 16, 2012 in New Ideas

Want to know what Mom taught me about Valentine’s Day? Check out @HuffingtonPost http://huff.to/yn5h8n #LoveNotes#HappyValentine‘sDay

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The Importance of Being Kate

by Katherin Seaborn
Published December 30, 2011 in New Ideas

As the year ends, we’re inundated with “Best of” or “of the Year” lists: “Best Movies of the Year,” “Song of the Year,” “2011′s Best Restaurants,” and so on. E! is tweeting about whether its’ “Celeb of the Year” is Robert Pattinson or Kristen Stewart; Grantland declared this Ryan Gosling’s break-out year, and Jezebel’s Woman of the Year shortlist includes Gabby Giffords, Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton. While all of these are deserving in their own right and realm, have no doubt.

This was the Year of Kate.

The ring. The hair. The wedding. The bridesmaid. The North American tour. Everything about her year was fantastic (from the my point of view, at least), and while one could argue that her tangible effect on the world was minimal, her effect on retail was not. UK-based retailer Reiss was one of the most obvious benefactors of the “Kate Middleton Effect”, posting a near doubling in profits after she wore one of the brand’s dresses in her engagement photo. The mad scramble to purchase the dress she wore during an official visit by the Obamas crashed the company’s website. If you google “Kate Middleton Sapphire Ring” replica, you get 893,000 hits, with pricetags ranging from $6 to $10,000. My mother, a reasonable 50-something woman who’s not that into jewelry, got one. Even I, who have lived in London and have respect for, but no delusions about, Britain’s monarchy, instructed my hairdresser prior to a wedding this year that I wanted “Kate Middleton hair.”

So if Kate Middleton is appeals to women, how are retailers marketing to women on the back of this phenomenon? Reiss, for one, is merely standing aside and letting Kate do the work. An article on Kate’s “Midas touch” in Britain’s Daily Mail commented:

“Notoriously guarded about its clientele, Reiss declines to discuss Catherine’s endorsement, simply saying that the Duchess has long been a loyal customer at Reiss and always looks stunning.

Privately though, staff admit to being ‘delighted,’ a sentiment that is no doubt echoed from the shop floor right up to the boardroom.”

Kate Middleton is appealing to many women because she is the antidote to all the Kims and Lindsays of the world; she’s elegant, not showy, refined instead of gaudy. Make no mistake, though, this presentation is on purpose. She is marketing herself, albeit in a much more subtle way than, say, Gaga. Reiss made the wise choice of doing the same; sometimes the most intelligent marketing to women doesn’t look like marketing at all.

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Christmas Crazy

by Mary Lou Quinlan
Published December 21, 2011 in New Ideas

Every year, I go Christmas crazy. I don’t mean baking cookies or making lists. I mean whole hog decorating. I scout Bed, Bath and Beyond for LED willow branches and Pier One for their rhinestone throw pillows that no one will want to lean on. I buy stuff that will only be used for three more weeks before it’s hauled back to storage. Yes, Christmas crazy.

I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember. My Mom, Mary Finlayson, was never interested in decorating for the holidays other than saying, “Look at our sad sack house. We should at least put up a few candles.” That was enough to send me to the basement to dig up last year’s stuff and then head out to buy more of anything that twinkled. As long as I was willing to trim it, hang it, fluff it up, I could accessorize to my heart’s content. After hours of bedazzling, I’d stand outside on the sidewalk gazing proudly at our little Philadelphia rowhouse– my handmade version of Whoville.

Growing up, our family was never allowed to have a real pine tree because Mom said she was allergic. So each year, I would assemble our aluminum tree, which was really a silver-painted broomstick with holes where we stuck the silver pom pom branches, added our assortment of mismatched ornaments and ho-ho-ho! Instant tree. We put our gifts under that same anemic tree for at least 15 years until my senior year in college. That year, inspired by my 70s back-to-nature spirit and a cute boyfriend, I went on a tree-cutting date and brought a beautiful balsam to my parents’ house, declaring the beginning of the Finlayson fresh tree tradition.

We decorated it with every old ornament from our well worn boxes. I may even have strung popcorn in a fit of ye good ole days. The fragrance was Christmas itself. And Mom smiled. “Hey, Mom, why aren’t you sneezing? I thought you were allergic.” “No, never was,” Mom smiled. “I just didn’t want to clean up all those pine needles.”

Mom’s gone now. I think about her every time I place an ornament on my overdone tree. Yep, still crazy after all these years.

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