Just Ask Y: Topping off my love tank
The other night someone asked me if I had any plans for Valentine’s Day. I hesitated in giving my answer. How could I word my Hallmark holiday plans and not sound like a pathetic loser? See the thing is I do have a sexy, fun day planned for myself; one that involves a delicious healthful meal, dark chocolate, wine, laughter and showing love to the people I care most about. But what it doesn’t include is a romantic partner. Finally my answer came out as: “I do and I’m excited to share the holiday of love with the people I care about most.” Phew. That wasn’t hard, and I certainly didn’t feel pathetic saying it.
This holiday I decided to dial up the love in my relationships with my friends, family and myself. I recently became frustrated with the overwhelming emphasis we as women, and society, put on romantic relationships. Many women think that our love tanks can only be fully filled by a significant other. This mindset about love is draining, for both of the parties involved. It is impossible for one person to be the sole source of another person’s love.
For the sake of painting a clearer picture of what I am trying to explain, I’m going to compare women to cars (something I know men already do). A woman who is fueled only by a man’s love is like a Hummer, go ahead and picture a pink one if you want. She guzzles her man’s love, feels strong and powerful while she is burning that fuel, but very quickly she is back at the station paying top dollar for a refill.
Now a woman who lets love in from all of her personal relationships, with friends, family, acquaintances, herself and heck even the doorman, is like a Prius. (Please note this comparison is not reflective of the appearance of these women, I just couldn’t think of a cute sustainable green car.) She gets love “top offs” from everyone. Of course some relationships fill her up more, but she will even allow her taxi driver to fuel her up by engaging in a simple conversation with him. She is a magnet for love, and the people around her make sure she’s never running on empty.
Let me remind you that Valentine’s Day is a made up holiday. There are no set rules or guidelines. If you are feeling down because you don’t have a boyfriend or a hot date, acknowledge that you put that pressure on yourself. Release that feeling that you need a man to make you feel loved. Once you do, you will slow down enough to recognize all the love stations that are available to you right now.
Here are some tips for this Valentine’s Day to help you fuel up your love tank:
- Send a meaningful card (and if you are a little late for that, e-cards totally count!). This year I made Valentine’s Day cards through an online card making site, Cardstore.com. I was able to customize each card and even included a picture of myself and the other person. I got two giant hugs from my roommates this morning which was a happy start to my day.
- Pick up the phone and call someone who wouldn’t expect it. Tell them how much you love them, miss them or just let them know you are thinking of them. I called a few people in my phonebook today, but my favorite call was to my Grandpa in Arizona. What normally is a 5 minute conversation about the weather, turned into a funny story sharing moment that gave us both a much needed afternoon laugh. How about that for a dose of love!
- Make your meals a little extra special today. My mom always makes a red dinner every Valentine’s Day. Everything we eat and drink is red, virgin strawberry daiquiris, seafood vodka pasta and red pound cake with berries. Since I’m no longer living at home, I was in charge of making my meals special today. I packed myself dark chocolate hearts to have with both my breakfast and lunch today, and I plan to get dinner from one of my favorite spots. So go out and get an afternoon frappuccino, or be bold and add salmon to your salad instead of chicken. Whatever it is, indulge a little!
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